Though I try to be grateful that my weigh continues to drop (at least I think it is, I don’t have a scale to actually confirm this), I can’t help but be frustrated over the fact that I do not know how to dress my postpartum body.
Beginning with the top, my arms are a little flabbier (though Jack weighs a gazillion pounds), my breasts are bigger, I have a little pooch for a stomach, my hips… well, they seem to be slowly shrinking, my legs will not remain hairless, and my feet are still a size 9.5 (well, they were always that size, still way too big for me).
Fortunately I came across this article which promises to answer all of my problems! Their advice?
Accentuate the positive!
Show off that awe-inspiring post-partum rack. A bull’s-eye print works well on sweaters, and in warmer months, pasties are sure to draw the attention just where you want them. How about some tassels? Get creative! Your forearms are probably still delicate and lovely, no? Wear elbow-length sleeves, oil up your exposed arm-parts, slap on a little glitter, and wave them around gracefully. Strangers will be so impressed, they won’t notice, you know, the rest of you! Are you an all-over mess? Aw. We bet you still have nice eyes! Play them up with false eyelashes and liquid eyeliner, slip on a burka, and you’re good to go!
Hide the negative!
There are countless ways you can confuse, dazzle, or blind anyone who comes near you. Here are only a few.
Mirrors Sandwich boards Multiple flotation rings Layers upon layers of tulle Christmas tree lights wrapped around torso Black duct tape Feathers! Beaded curtain hanging from neck Giant fanny pack filled with puppies An enormous bustle to even out proportions Mascot costume You’re an astronaut!
(Seriously Corrie, thanks for posting this site on FB)
On a more serious note, Glamour magazine seems to be drawing quite a bit of praise for publishing a nearly nude picture of a plus size model in their September issue. On the Today show this morning, the editor in chief nearly promised Matt Lauer that we can see more of this realistic beauty in the future.
The model has this to say about the response:
“When I read [the letters] I got teary-eyed!” she says. “I’ve been that girl, flipping through magazines trying to find just one person who looked a little bit like me. And when I didn’t find it I would start to think there’s something wrong with the way that I looked. When J. Lo and Beyoncé came out and were making curves sexy, I started to accept myself more. It’s funny, but just seeing them look and feel sexy enabled me to do the same.”
Maybe someday we can all have a realistic expectation of what we should look like and an appreciation of our beauty. Especially postpartum.