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The Less-Social-Networked Me

I honestly can’t remember if I’ve talked much about loneliness here on this blog, but it is something I have struggled with since Jack was born. And I know I’m not the only one. I think many moms are lonely, especially when days go by without intelligent adult conversation.

Last week I was spending my down time in default mode scrolling through the Facebook news feed, not really caring what I saw and feeling pretty horrible after awhile. I realized that Facebook actually makes me feel more lonely. It gives this facade of community, this sense that you are connected to people when in reality sharing pieces of information like, “I’m wearing wrinkled clothes today” or “Going out for ice cream tonight!” is the epitome of shallow, small-talk, acquaintance-style conversation. I know that I long for deep relationships and I’m just not going to find it on Facebook.

Now, I’m not going to cancel my Facebook account or anything like that, but I think I’ll use it differently. I created a friends list including those people I care most about so I can keep up with their pictures and going ons, but more than that I hope to actually call them. To talk to them and have a real conversation. And I’m going to check my friends’ blogs more often too. There’s so much more connection when a post is more than 400 characters. Agreed?

And about that loneliness thing, the less time I’m on Facebook, the less lonely I feel. I’m more present in my own life and less detached from everyone else. I am a more whole person, doing things that feed me like reading some great fiction (two Agatha Christie novels in a couple of weeks) and pulling Tim off of Facebook to spend time with me. I have also talked on the phone with a friend I haven’t spoken to in a year and have plans with others. Basically, I’m unplugged and I like it.

So, if you see me less on Facebook, trust me, it’s a good thing.

What have you done to shake the lonely feeling?


2 thoughts on “The Less-Social-Networked Me

  1. Yeah, lots of loneliness in motherhood, even when you work full time. Somehow, even though the “mom experience” is pretty universal, I find myself thinking “No one understands what it’s like” Don’t know why that is.

    What to do about it? I’m not sure. The answer is probably the difficult task of finding mom friends in real life, not online. And then make the effort to cultivate those friendships. But that sounds like a lot of work!

    Good for you for finding the source of unhappiness and then taking action to remedy it.


    • Isn’t it strange the way we say to ourselves “No one knows what I’m going through?” That must be a whispering of the devil in our ears to keep us from being joyful.

      What’s interesting is I find I am happiest with people who are my friends, whether moms or not, and often times I prefer women who aren’t moms because then we don’t spend all of our time talking about being moms. With some of my mom-friends, the only thing we have in common is being a mom, but I’m so grateful for those friends who enjoy reading like I do, or watching Glee, or who will share other parts of their lives with me beyond being a mom. After all, we’re so much more, right?

      I could write another post on this…


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