If you know me, you know I’m an intense person. When I start thinking about something or learning something, I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about that thing. When I care about someone, I care very deeply. When I’m excited, I’m thrilled! And when I’m nervous… well, I freak out.
Poor Tim. I’m a lot to handle.
Anyways, for the last 5 years we have been living on… well, not much. And it’s been trying. For awhile I counted every penny and I about lost my mind. Then, we relaxed and depended perhaps a bit too much on school loans. I don’t know. Now, well, now we’re making a decent amount. We’re ok. And the strange thing is I’m still in survival mode. I still feel like things are going to fall apart.
It’s not true. Not at all. But I have a tendency to panic when it looks like things might be a little tight. And there’s nothing to panic about! It’s ridiculous really.
Sometimes, I think we justify our worrying. We say we’re balancing the budget, or taking care of our children’s future, or just being responsible. But if we approach money with anxiety, we are not taking care of anything. Instead, it is controlling us. Yuck.
That gives a whole new meaning to Jesus’ words, “You cannot serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) I used to think that to serve money meant to strive to be wealthy and to horde all of the money for oneself. But really, when I’m thinking about money more than I’m thinking about God who provides, I am serving money.
Oh that does not feel good.
So, here’s to stopping the worry. To reminding myself to take it one day at a time. And to remembering that God alone knows the future and He is watching out for us now and then. Just as He has every day in the past.
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~ Jesus (Matthew 6:31-34)