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Loneliness

Today, I’m feeling lonely.

It’s not a loneliness caused by being alone, no, most often I’m surrounded by people and crave a moment to myself. Like, a moment to go to the bathroom alone without someone walking in or screaming at me from the other room. Or some time alone to  remember, “what was I about to do?”

No, today I am lonely and longing for deep friendship, good conversation, shared experiences, laughter, and perhaps a tear or two. Without children around is, of course, ideal.

Loneliness is something I have experienced most of my adult life. Over the past ten years, I have had wonderful friendships with mature, godly women, who have encouraged and loved me well. Yet, so often, things changed. Almost every one of them has moved away or had to limit their time. If they didn’t, then we did. Moved on with new jobs, new children, new neighborhoods… new friends.

I mourn.

It feels like I’m in something of a drought. I miss the women dearest to me, my mom, my sisters, my friends… I wonder if I will ever be close to them again. Will we move back to Minnesota to be near family, those natural relationships and people whom I love? I don’t know.

I ache.

 

I wrestle with feeling like, I should just be content with God’s love. God loves me, what more do I need?! He’s always here, right?

Well, yes, but I know that we were created for one another. God saw Adam, who was the only human being alive and said,  “It’s not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) and He created Eve. Not just to be a spouse, but for companionship, for help, for fellowship.

God made us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6). We are to love and honor one another (Romans 12:10). Accept one another (Romans 15:7). Encourage one another (2 Corinthians 13:11). Pray for one another (Ephesians 5:18). Confess to one another (James 5:16) and forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32). We are to bring each other closer to God in our friendship (Ephesians 5:18-19).

You know, I have many acquaintances and friends who I see regularly. We talk, we laugh, but rarely do we do those things above. I want a friend like that so much. I am lonely for her.  I am praying for her. And I am trying to be her.

You know, at this moment, I am comforted, because if those things are so desirable in Scripture, then God wants me to have a friend like that, too. And, yeah, I believe He will answer my prayer. That though I’ve had to say goodbye to another friend, I will meet someone wonderful. And, in the meantime, I am comforted knowing that Jesus is closer to me than a sister.  He’s closer to me than I am to myself. He knows me. He loves me. He listens. He died for me. And He provides for my needs. Before these words hit the page, he knew them completely. He keeps me secure. Such knowledge is too wonderful to me, I cannot contain it.

Yes, I am comforted.

Thank you, Lord. May others experience your comfort and friendship. Thank you for listening. Please bring me my friend. Amen.

 

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7 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. You are right that Jesus is closer to you than any person could ever be, but I am going to keep you in my prayers that you find that special girlfriend that you can share a special connection with.

    Like

  2. I too have been waiting for such a close friend. In the meanwhile I have been finding company listening to audio books. The fascinating stories and human voices have been friends to me. What is also nice is that it is all free.

    Like

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